Most slim, small sized people who have been that way for most of their lives don't understand us. Some will say that they understand how we feel, or what we are going through, but in actual fact they don't. How can they when they have never been fat in their whole lives??
I see the looks people give me when they walk past. The disgust or smirks on their faces are obvious. I envy those slim people. They get to look good without even trying, they can walk into any shop and pick the clothes they want off the rack, they can look hot and sexy without even trying! Of course, if they don't exercise (which I know a lot of slim people like this), then they are not necessarily healthy inside - but at least they don't have to feel what we feel. Then there are the sales girls at clothing stores that will come up to you and tell you that there is nothing in your size. And they don't say it discreetly. They say it out loud and other customers turn too stare at the fat girl. I hate it!
So what do we feel?
We feel worthless and ugly and inferior. We hate ourselves and yet we struggle to change ourselves because we just don't think we are good enough or we don't believe we can. We beat ourselves up everyday and every time we see people looking the way we want to look, we feel even worse about ourselves. We feel unwanted and unloved. Which guy would want to be with a fat girl???
We feel hurt every time people make fun of us. One of my uncles did that to me my whole life. He thought it was funny and he also thought that by making fun of me and insulting me, it would push me to do something about it. But it didn't! Instead it just made me feel worse about myself and I just continued to turn to food for comfort.
The pain is worse when it is caused by family. The people who are supposed to love you and help you make fun of you. I have a friend who is much much bigger than me (over 300 pounds) who wanted to audition for the Biggest Loser Asia and instead of encouraging her, her parents and sibling made fun of her and told her not to bother auditioning because she wouldn't make it! And whats worse, after someone made a snide comment about her, her father doesn't want to walk next to her in public! How can a father who is supposed to love your child unconditionally be embarrassed of her?? Gosh, it just amazes me!
Anyway, back to the topic. People see us and make fun of us because they don't understand us. They say that we are lazy and useless and that is why we are this way. Hello! There are a lot of great successful people who are fat. Look at Queen Latifah, Pavarotti and Oprah Winfrey. Are they lazy, are they useless?
Why can't people understand us? At least, why can't they try?? If they made an effort to try to understand us, then maybe they could help us.
And to all you sales people of slimming products, STOP BUGGING US!! I hate it when the sales people standing by the Slimming centre booths in shopping malls spot me from afar. Their eyes will light up and you can see them getting ready to pounce on you as you get nearer. And they come after me even when I keep on walking and point out my weight issues (Duh! like I don't know that already?)!! And again, not discreet!
And I can't tell you how many times I have been stopped by Herbalife distributors at shopping malls, near my office, everywhere!. Gosh! I even was followed by one at the Bangkok airport and she went on and on and on and forced her card on me. Then on the plan, the guy sitting next to me also started pitching me about Herbalife (turns out there was a whole group of them who had come to Bangkok for a Herbalife convention and were taking the same flight as me back to KL!).
Guys like my husband are a rare breed in this world. There are not many men who would see beyond the outer looks and see the beauty within. But yet, my husband also doesn't understand the pain and self loathing that I carry around with me. He was never fat. He was skinny growing up and just bulked up in later years. Yes now he is probably about 3 or 4 kgs over his ideal weight but that is so different.
I wish I had got on the Biggest Loser Asia show. Being with other people like me who understand me and being able to be secluded and work out for hours everyday and be pushed beyond what I think I am capable off, I know it would have worked wonders for me.
Now all I want is for people to try to understand me and stop hurting me and making fun of me. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it. You might think that you are giving advise or trying to help, but you are NOT. So just leave me alone - and this includes FAMILY.
