Time is moving fast

I weighed myself today. I weigh 93.6kg.

The weight is moving very slow. I am just trying to get down a bit faster so I can look nice for Christmas!

Christmas is in 2 weeks. I hope to lose at least another couple of kgs by then.

My cousin Sumisha is back from Melbourne and Simran will be back this weekend from UK.

Looking forward to some family time and lots of Christmas celebrations!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!

It is a day to remember the blessings in our lives, to remind ourselves of all the good things that we have and how lucky we are.

I am thankful to God for blessing me with a loving family, a wonderful husband, a great job with a steady income. I thank Him for his daily blessings, his protection over me and my loved ones and his constant presence in my life - even when i neglect him.

I am thankful for the friends that I have and the many opportunities He has given to me in this life.

I am thankful that I have a roof over my head, good food to eat, warm clothes, money to spend, people to love and be with.

I have many things to be grateful for - and not only today but everyday, I need to remind myself that I have so much more in my life than some people out there and instead of whining about what I don't have, I need to focus on the good things in life and be a blessing to others.

What are you thankful for?

Have a happy blessed Thanksgiving and enjoy your Christmas preparations!

Back to work

It was nice to be back to work yesterday after a 2 week absense. I must sound crazy but then if you are stuck at home, unable to do much, you would feel the same way too!

I missed quite a few people at the office, so it was nice to see them again. And nice to be out of the house and doing something fruitful at work.

I got a couple of belated birthday presents from a few people at the office. A notebook and a bottle of lotion from Marks & Spencers. Other than that, yesterday was very normal; filled with meetings and other preparations for next year.

On another note, I read with great interest a few articles related to "cheating" on a diet. This has been made popular by Joel Mason and has been endorsed by quite a few health professionals as well as other personal trainers.

Basically, what it says is that when you diet, your metabolism tends to slow down because it senses the reduction in calorie intake so it starts to save energy. So, to counter this, you should have "cheat" days in between the diet period so as to trick your body into believing that you are not starving it so that it maintains it metabolism at a proper level. Cheating would be to enjoy the foods that you like for that day.

This actually helps one to stay on a diet because you don't feel deprived as you can look forward to that one day of enjoying your favourite food. And you don't beat yourself when you cheat because you are technically not spoiling the diet!! How nice!! :-)

So I am going to try that out. I had my cheat day yesterday. Ate pretty well for breakfast and lunch. For breakfast I had Low fat Milk and drank Green tea until lunch. For lunch, I had tofu, chicken, vege and ikan bilis (no rice). And for dinner, I enjoyed steamboat! I go back on my 5 day diet today.

Let's see how this works out for me

I did It!

I finished the 5 day diet without cheating! Yay!! Glad I made it through.

One month ago, when I weighed myself, I was shocked to realise that despite going for bootcamp I had put on so much weight and I weighed in at 99.3kg! I was really upset that I let all my hard work go because of having a lot of alcohol, and too much of "good food". A few months ago, I had brought my weight down to 92kg... sigh.

So I started to cut my food a bit here and there and going on these diets - 3 days for the past 2 weeks and 5 days this week. I am happy to say that this morning I weighed in at 94.9kg which means that I have lost 4.4kg.

Now, the hardest part. Make sure that I don't put on what I lost and keep losing.

Last November (2008), I weighed in at my heaviest at 106.2kg. I started 2009 weighing less than 100kg (ie. 9xkgs). Now, I want to start 2010, weighing less than 90kgs - which means I need to at least be 89kg on January 1st 2010.

That leaves me with 6kg more to lose and not gain back by the end of this year.

It's going to be hard to do it without exercise but I will persevere. And I hope to be able to start walking on a treadmill in at least 2 weeks so that I can burn some calories along the way.

I am going to need all the help I can get.

Any thoughts on what else I can do besides watch my diet?

Counting down the days

Christmas is coming! As usual I am super excited. Nothing like Christmas to bring the child in us right out, isn't it?

My family (meaning extended family) will be doing Secret Santa again this year; which means instead of every family buying presents for every other person in the family, we each pick a name and buy one present. Which is a big relief on our wallets since we have more than 30+ people celebrating Christmas together! (Although I do miss shopping for endless presents and opening many of mine as well:-) )

This year however, would be the first year in my life that we would not be spending Christmas with the entire family. This year, the 6 of us (which means hubby, mom, Rayna, Shayna and KP) will be celebrating Christmas at the Portuguese Settlement in Malacca. We of course wanted the whole extended family to come along as well (time for a change of venue) but unfortunately, too many problems so its going to be just the 6 of us.

It's going to be weird not having everyone around, and not having the usual David/Sebastian/Naidu/Saini unharmonised Christmas carolling, hearing Uncle Anthony's words of wisdom, eating, laughing, playing games and then counting down, hugging and kissing and jumping in to open up the presents. I am going to miss that.

But I feel that while we maintain old traditions, I would like to add in some new traditions; traditions that I will be sharing with my kids someday (when I have them, that is). So it is going to be an exciting time; and from what I have heard from many people, Christmas eve at the Portuguese Settlement is great and the Spirit of Christmas is so alive in the air. So its going to be an interesting experience.

What is everyone else doing for Christmas??

Only 35 days left till Christmas!!

WOO HOO!

Low Calorie Diet

I am on a low calorie diet at the moment; which according to the source, should not be done for long periods. It is not the best of diets, but because I can't exercise, I need this to help me lose some kgs.

The good thing about this diet is that I can have a scoop of ice cream as dessert after dinner, so I don't feel so deprived.

Last week I did it for 3 days and this week I am doing it for 5 days. After which, I will go back to regular foods, but I will have to ensure that I don't overeat after that.

There are so many diets out there, so many fad diets, all promising quick weight loss; but of course those are just short term. In the end, each of us have to change our eating habits permanently and not just do it one off.

Eating healthy is a lifestyle and I am still learning how to do that.

It isn't easy - it really isn't. So the best thing to do is to make small adjustments at a time and bit by bit, slowly but surely, I will make it

Here is to eating healthy!

Reflections on Turning 30

Happy Birthday to Me!!

I turn 30 today. Looking back on my life, I ask myself : what have I accomplished in my 20s? What special or significant things have I done in my 20s that make the transition to the 30s easier on me?

Honestly, I would have to say Nothing. I had set out to do so many things before I turned 30 but unfortunately, due to laziness and procrastination and fear, I didn't.

Turning 30 was something nagging on my mind the whole year. I didn't want to turn 30. I don't want my skin to start looking old, I don't want to start seeing wrinkles, and having more aches and pains (though I have had a fair share of those these past few years), I don't want children to call me Aunty or others to call me Madam.

I want to stay youthful, feel youthful and be youthful.

But I know that I can have all the above. Its mental and physical. And that's why the weight loss is so important.

Even when I was in my 20s I felt like I was in my 60s (and that was what the weight counsellor told me my body age is!!). So in order to feel like a 20 something, I have to lose 35kgs, build up my stamina and endurance, get my health back in order and train my mind. And then I need to accomplish all that I wanted to do but haven't done.

So here is being 30 and starting a new chapter of my life and making changes for the better.

Cheers!

Passing time

So i got myself into a spot again last week. After work on Friday, I changed into my bootcamp clothes and was happily walking to the car where my hubby was waiting for me when a girl accidentally knocked into me (while i was just going down the stairs). I of course lost my balance and went flying together with all the bags in my hands.

I couldnt move. My foot was in so much pain I saw stars. Some people came to help while the stupid ass girl who knocked me down stood there with her friend saying over and over again: "Im sorry, can I help, im sorry, can I help".. Help already you idiot!!!

Anyway to cut a long story short, xrays at SJMC showed that I had a torn ligament in my ankle. Was admitted for one night. Since I couldnt move, I had to use the bed pan throughout the night which was the most humiliating thing ever!

Anyway, am now at my moms place since stairs are out for me. I am so bored!

My highlight of the past few days : helping my family put up the Christmas tree and decor at my moms place. My hubby put me in a rolling chair so I could roll around the tree hanging up ornaments :-)

Anyway, no OBC for a couple of months some people say. I was hoping to rejoin the Dec intake but looks like i am going to have to put that off for a bit longer.

So with no chance of exercising, how do I lose weight before Christmas?

I am counting calories now and trying to be a good girl and resist temptations. Other than that, tried doing some sit ups on the bed but without both feet to support me, thats a bit hard. Still trying to work that out. And will be doing arm exercises so that at least one part of my body gets a bit of exercise.

Hope the pain reduces immensely soon so that I can at least go for walks! Will be on MC until Monday. I'm actually looking forward to going back to work. If I was off from work and could do whatever I want, now that would be a different story all together!!

Have a good day people!

New month

Yesterday was OBC's fitness assessment again. Sadly, I performed badly. Last month my time was 16 minutes and 32 seconds. This time is was 16 mins and 04 seconds. I only knocked off 28 seconds!!!! That is sooo embarrassing!! :-(

We didn't do the 2nd assessment due to the lightning. I doubt I would have performed well in that though... sigh

But no worries. Will work harder this month. I want to make try to complete it in 15 minutes, so hopefully I can achieve that.

On a happier note, CHRISTMAS is coming! I love Christmas! It's my most favorite time of the year. Putting up decorations, putting up the tree, listening to Christmas songs. The most magical season ever!

I am such a child when it comes to Christmas :-)

So now, I have to work extra hard to fit into my new dress I bought for Christmas - its too tight right now!

Bootcamp

Today was one of the hardest OBC sessions I have been through!! Basically we were divided into 2 groups and as a team we had to pick up a whole lot of items ranging from sandbags, bag-packs weighed down with I dont know what, a stretcher with sandbags, tyres and ropes. We picked them up one by one ran to the other end, ran back, picked up the next item and kept on until we had picked up everything. Then we had to do that again but now we dropped off the items one by one. I think we probably ran up and down 10 times each maybe? I can't remember.

I wasnt even through 1/4 of the race and I already wanted to drop out. I had a stitch in my side, my legs were aching, I couldn't breathe properly! But then the whole team rallied around me. They jogged alongside me, encouraging me, motivating me, some of the girls helped give me a push from behind, or took my hand and pulled me so that I ran with them.

I didn't think I would make it through the session but I did - because of the whole team! Seriously.... And i am glad that I stuck through it. And this is one of the main reasons why I love OBC. I have never in my life and in all my struggles with exercise and my weight ever had this kind of support and encouragement and its fantastic! And I keep getting pushed beyond the limits that i SET for myself and realise that I can keep going a lot more than I thought I could.

OBC members ROCK!

HOOYAH!

How to diet when celebrating?

I am still struggling with this one.

The past two weeks has seen me going for weddings, a friends birthday celebration and Deepavali open houses. I didn't watch what I ate or drank, so with all the good food and alcoholic drinks, my diet basically went down the drain.

How does one stick to dieting when we have so many occasions to celebrate? It's not impossible that's for sure - hundreds and thousands of people do it everyday.. I just have not been able to do it yet.

I guess for me, it all boils down to the fact that I still have not come to the root of the issue and dealt with it. So every time I am near good food and drinks, all thoughts of dieting go out the window and I indulge.

I am a glutton - pure and simple.

So how do I fix myself? How does any of us fix ourselves?

I guess we need to ask ourselves some questions and then really sit down and analyse and come to a solution :
a. Why do I love food and find it hard to resist?
b. What is making me such a glutton? Why do I eat even when I am not hungry?
c. What do I really want? Do I want to be slim? Do I want to be healthy?
d. If yes, then what do I think is the reason that I keep failing?

What other questions can we ask ourselves?

OBC

I went for my first OBC session today after more than 2 months. Yup, its just as gruelling and torturous as before! Today was Fitness Assessment Day.

For the first assessment, we have to run 2 laps of 200 metres each, come back to our partner, do 15 push ups, 10 grunts (i did 15 squats instead due to my back) and 15 military sit ups. And then we have to repeat the whole set another 2 times! My time to complete all 3 sets - 16 minutes and 32 seconds. This being because Ms Unfit Me couldnt run or jog all rounds. So i walked half the time!

The 2nd part of the assessment was to the 1 mile run while is basically 8 laps of 200 metres each. They allowed us a maximum of 15 minutes to complete. I was wiped out at this point so I walked for most of the laps. As such I only managed to complete 8 laps in that 15 minutes. Bummer! It was kind of embarrassing seeing everyone else finish in much shorter times but its ok, cause I am going to work on better times for the next fitness assessment in one month.

The group was huge today! We had sooo many new recruits. I think there were about 60 of us in total! That is going to be one big group to handle. I foresee a lot of penalty grunts happening! Sheesh!

I'm glad I went back to OBC. Now to make sure that I stick it out, maximise my time there and make things happen.

HOOYAH!

Exercise

I will be joining OBC again next week. Possibly only for one month due to the high costs. Am glad to be back to exercise but terrified of the torture that comes with bootcamp! :-)

I am happy that Raine completed her one month stint at OBC. I do wish she would join up for another month before going off to the USA but I guess she will be too busy. Congrats Raine! I know it was not easy!

In an effort to support and help each other and promote a healthier lifestyle, a bunch of colleagues and I have decided to go jogging twice a week together after work. This also begins next week. Hopefully this will help those of us who are overweight and also those of us who frequently get sick to get healthier and fitter.

Rantings

So I ranted a lot yesterday... I guess I was having an extra bad day with a whole lot of "hate myself feelings" thrown in.

I know I have a lot to work on myself. I struggle to change myself and I keep falling but I don't want to give up... I can't give up - my health, my life, everything is at stake.

So I will keep trying, and I will keep pushing, and I will keep picking myself up.

Understanding Us

Most slim, small sized people who have been that way for most of their lives don't understand us. Some will say that they understand how we feel, or what we are going through, but in actual fact they don't. How can they when they have never been fat in their whole lives??

I see the looks people give me when they walk past. The disgust or smirks on their faces are obvious. I envy those slim people. They get to look good without even trying, they can walk into any shop and pick the clothes they want off the rack, they can look hot and sexy without even trying! Of course, if they don't exercise (which I know a lot of slim people like this), then they are not necessarily healthy inside - but at least they don't have to feel what we feel. Then there are the sales girls at clothing stores that will come up to you and tell you that there is nothing in your size. And they don't say it discreetly. They say it out loud and other customers turn too stare at the fat girl. I hate it!

So what do we feel?

We feel worthless and ugly and inferior. We hate ourselves and yet we struggle to change ourselves because we just don't think we are good enough or we don't believe we can. We beat ourselves up everyday and every time we see people looking the way we want to look, we feel even worse about ourselves. We feel unwanted and unloved. Which guy would want to be with a fat girl???

We feel hurt every time people make fun of us. One of my uncles did that to me my whole life. He thought it was funny and he also thought that by making fun of me and insulting me, it would push me to do something about it. But it didn't! Instead it just made me feel worse about myself and I just continued to turn to food for comfort.

The pain is worse when it is caused by family. The people who are supposed to love you and help you make fun of you. I have a friend who is much much bigger than me (over 300 pounds) who wanted to audition for the Biggest Loser Asia and instead of encouraging her, her parents and sibling made fun of her and told her not to bother auditioning because she wouldn't make it! And whats worse, after someone made a snide comment about her, her father doesn't want to walk next to her in public! How can a father who is supposed to love your child unconditionally be embarrassed of her?? Gosh, it just amazes me!

Anyway, back to the topic. People see us and make fun of us because they don't understand us. They say that we are lazy and useless and that is why we are this way. Hello! There are a lot of great successful people who are fat. Look at Queen Latifah, Pavarotti and Oprah Winfrey. Are they lazy, are they useless?

Why can't people understand us? At least, why can't they try?? If they made an effort to try to understand us, then maybe they could help us.

And to all you sales people of slimming products, STOP BUGGING US!! I hate it when the sales people standing by the Slimming centre booths in shopping malls spot me from afar. Their eyes will light up and you can see them getting ready to pounce on you as you get nearer. And they come after me even when I keep on walking and point out my weight issues (Duh! like I don't know that already?)!! And again, not discreet!

And I can't tell you how many times I have been stopped by Herbalife distributors at shopping malls, near my office, everywhere!. Gosh! I even was followed by one at the Bangkok airport and she went on and on and on and forced her card on me. Then on the plan, the guy sitting next to me also started pitching me about Herbalife (turns out there was a whole group of them who had come to Bangkok for a Herbalife convention and were taking the same flight as me back to KL!).

Guys like my husband are a rare breed in this world. There are not many men who would see beyond the outer looks and see the beauty within. But yet, my husband also doesn't understand the pain and self loathing that I carry around with me. He was never fat. He was skinny growing up and just bulked up in later years. Yes now he is probably about 3 or 4 kgs over his ideal weight but that is so different.

I wish I had got on the Biggest Loser Asia show. Being with other people like me who understand me and being able to be secluded and work out for hours everyday and be pushed beyond what I think I am capable off, I know it would have worked wonders for me.

Now all I want is for people to try to understand me and stop hurting me and making fun of me. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it. You might think that you are giving advise or trying to help, but you are NOT. So just leave me alone - and this includes FAMILY.

Beating Cholesterol

There are two types of cholesterol, good cholesterol (HDL) and bad cholesterol (LDL).


HDL cholesterol is good because it helps to remove cholesterol from the walls of the artery and dispose of them thru the liver.

LDL cholesterol is bad because it deposits cholesterol on the artery walls, causing the formation of a hard, thick substance called cholesterol plaque. Over time, cholesterol plaque causes thickening of the artery walls and narrowing of the arteries, a process called atherosclerosis.

Low levels of LDL cholesterol and high level of HDL cholesterol (low LDL/HDL ratios) are desirable.

Most overweight or obese people have high cholesterol. I should know! It is important for us to get our LDL levels down and increase our HDL level because this will help by :


* Reducing or stopping the formation of new cholesterol plaques on the artery walls;
* Reducing existing cholesterol plaques on the artery walls;
* Widening narrowed arteries;
* Preventing the rupture of cholesterol plaques, which initiates blood clot
formation;
* Decreasing the risk of heart attacks; and
* Decreasing the risk of strokes. The same measures that retard atherosclerosis in
coronary arteries also benefit the carotid and cerebral arteries (arteries that
deliver blood to the brain).
(taken from http://www.medicinenet.com)

So what do we need to do?

First - Go get a lipid profile test done. You need to know what your numbers are so you can work on fixing it
Next - Eliminate high fat foods and eat oats for breakfast everyday
AND - Exercise! Get at least 30 minutes of walking done everyday. It will make the difference

High fat foods to be avoided or reduced significantly


Red meat - This includes pork, beef and lamb
Alcohol
Seafood - This includes squid (sotong), prawns, crabs and cod fish.
Sweet desserts
Foods high in refine sugars or carbohydrates

Good food to eat

Oats
White meat - Chicken (without the skin!), turkey, fresh water fish
Anything with low saturated fat

And don't forget, drink lots of water!!

Here is to all of us getting our GOOD cholesterol UP and BAD cholesterol DOWN!

Good Luck :-)

Week 2 Progress

Body Weight : 94.6kg (down by 1kg)

Body Fat : 38.8% (down by 0.3%)

Water : 39.1% (up by 0.3%)

Where to Shop for Clothes for Plus Size Women in Malaysia

I hate that it is so hard to get clothes for us big people here in Malaysia. And not just clothes, but stylish clothes and for the younger crowd.

Don't they realise that most fat women start being fat from when they are young? So teenagers and young adults need clothes too.

In Australia, there are so many stores catering to Plus Size women. Not just clothes, but lingerie and swim wear as well. Suprising though, when I went to New York, I couldnt locate stores specialising in Plus Size clothing; but I did find plus size clothing at Walmart and at this other 2 stores... but it was limited though. I bought a work suit from there, a 2 piece swimsuit and a long tube dress which I adore :-)

But here in Malaysia?? Not much choice. Here are a list of places that you can get your plus sized clothes from.

Ms Read (designs are more for older women but nice clothes - I buy my work clothes from here and I have a black gown from here which I am keeping to where at my cousins wedding)
Total Women (also the same)
Scarlet (cheaper option, boring clothes though - carried by Jusco)
FYI (has nicer options for the younger crowd but their maximum size is a 5 which is equivalent to an 18 in Ms Read so for much bigger people, you can't get yours here)
Joan Allen (usually carried in Metrojaya)

Anyone else know of good places to buy clothes?

Weight Loss Progress

OK. It's been 1 week and 3 days since I last put the details. So this morning, I weighed myself again. Below is the figures

Weight : 95.6kg
Body Fat : 39.1%
Water : 38.8%

That's not bad seeing as how no exercise was involved.

What I have been doing is a "semi-detox", which is basically only fruits, fresh fruit juices, water and chinese/green tea from morning till dinner time and then I eat dinner. It was hard when I started it on Monday, but it has gotten easier.

Now to make sure I stick to that and I will definitely be able to reach 90kg by October 14th!

Short term target

I have decided that I need to reach 90kg by October 14th, which is the day of my cousin's wedding. This is way higher than what I had initially aimed for; but then no use crying over split milk. I just need to pick myself up and start over again.

That gives me 6 weeks to lose 7kgs. Seems doable. Now just to zip my mouth and keep my itchy hands away from temptation... Sounds difficult especially because I cannot exercise but I know that if I just put my mind to it and just keep reminding myself of the benefits, I will be able to do it.

I will keep updating this blog with my progress. Keep praying for my success ok?!

Cheers

Setting Goals and Targets

Everyone knows how important it is to set goals and targets to achieve anything you want to achieve in life; whether it is XXX amount of sales brought in, XXX amount of kgs to lose, XXX amount of money to save, etc.

I have struggled with goals and targets my whole life. I do the yearly New Year resolutions list with all the goals I want to achieve in life; but rarely do I achieve them.

This year, I set the following goals

1. Lose weight and get fit - to reach 70kg
2. Clean out my guest room turned store room (DONE!)
3. Clear off all my debts
4. Build the company I work with to greater heights
5. Get closer to God and spend more time reading the Bible and in prayer

So looking at the above, I have only done 1 out of 5. I'm still working on the rest or rather struggling with the rest. I hope to get at least 1 more completed before the end of the year.

Not Again!

I'm having trouble with my back again. And at the same spot as one of my slipped discs! I think the travelling last week to Ipoh caused it because the pain started on the way back. Slight only but its been increasing day by day and yesterday I was walking pretty slow. I don't want this again, I can't deal with this now, I need to exercise! I had to miss kickboxing because of this..

Just got back from a conference. Pain was better this morning but the sitting and standing at the conference has aggravated it.. sigh.. I don't want to touch any painkillers.


I weighed myself this morning. These are the numbers.

Weight : 97kg
Body Fat - 39.5%
Water - 38.3%
YIKES!

I have a long way to go....

BUT I WILL DO IT!

The Climb

This song speaks to me at so many levels and it is the song that helps me push on. Listen to it when you are feeling down, or when it just gets too hard and the light at the end of the tunnel feels too far to reach

The Climb (Miley Cyrus)

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head saying,
You'll never reach it,

Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I

Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going

And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on Climbing Guys!

The Struggles of a Hippo

I am desperately wanting to get my life together, to lose weight, to be healthy, to be slim and beautiful and be able to wear nice dresses and clothes. But am I desperate enough?? I think I am.... but then why is it so hard for me then to resist temptations, to be like my two sisters; who when they decide that they need to lose weight they will go on a diet and exercise and lose it!

I on the other hand, keep making the decision to lose weight but then I keep falling off the wagon constantly :-(

Look at my recent attempt. From November 2008 till May 2009, I lost 13kgs. But since May till now, I have put back on about 4kgs! Knowing how hard it was for me to lose the weight in the first place, why is it I allow myself to slip and indulge and put on the weight again??

And everytime I get a scare like in my last post, I behave myself for awhile and then I just fall off the track again.

It is so frustrating and I get so angry with myself all the time. I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. I am afraid to think about how my husband might feel with the way I look. I get frustrated every time I see other girls (including my sisters) looking slim and beautiful and wearing the nice sexy clothes. And yet, I am unable to stick to any diet!

I am sick and tired of myself.

Today is just one of the many days that I feel a whole lot of self loathing.

Does anyone else feel the way I feel?

A Shocking Jolt back to Reality

I have to be honest. I ate and drank a lot of rubbish over the weekend. That includes fast food, alcohol, more fast food, and a lot of sweet stuff. I totally let go this weekend.

Yesterday evening I started to develop a headache. It started as a light throbbing and continued to increase in intensity and pain. By the end of the night, I felt sick and my head was pounding.

I thought it was just wind inside my body so I got my husband to massage my head, which helped a bit. I took a Panadol soluble at about 9pm. It didn't make much difference.

I went to bed at about 11.30pm. I felt lousy. I couldn't sleep the whole night because of the pain. At about 2am in the morning, I took 2 Panadol Actifast.

I woke up at 7am this morning. I had a shower and washed my hair. I felt better then. At work, I started to feel lousy again. No headache but I just felt lousy all over and my stomach felt funny.

I decided to go check my glucose level. The pharmacist used 3 different machines to check. One gave a normal reading, and the other two gave a high reading. He checked again, and the other 2 machines (which are the latest in the market) again came back with high readings.

That was a shock to my system. I freaked out. The pharmacists asked me to come back again in the evening. I was worrying the whole time. I had a bun after and for lunch I had chappati with some fish and veges and I just drank water.

I went for another test at 4pm. This time my reading was much lower than the mornings reading. It wasn't good - because it is still higher than it should be, but it is much better than morning.

This is a real wake up call for me not to mess around. I am 29 years old. Both my parents are diabetics and my dad has heart problems. I am not a diabetic - at least not yet. The path I am now on is leading me to self destruction.

I need to get off this track and I need to do it now.

Will someone help me please?!

Kickboxing

I started taking up kickboxing classes a couple of months ago. This was before I started OBC.

I kick box at the Jak Othmans Kickboxing Studio at SS15 in Subang Jaya. Why did I join? Well the womens' gym that I had gone too for a couple of months hardly had any business and it was getting a bit boring so I wanted to try something new.

Kickboxing is fun. It is tough but definitely not as tough as OBC. And we get more breaks in between! I enjoy it because besides getting exercise, I get to let out stress. I just love punching the focus pads after a hard day at work.

I try to go at least twice a week; but lately I have only been going once a week. Each class is an hour. We start with warmups and stretches and then we usually get to punching exercises using gloves and focus pads and we do the various kicking stances. It is a lot of fun.

We also do sit ups, leg ups and back extension exercises. I am still struggling with the leg ups. Because of my super sized body, I find it hard to lift my legs up so I still have not been able to do this properly or even to do more than 15! The sit ups are ok but I stop in between. As for the back extension exercises, my hubby has a nice laugh at me everytime I do it because I lift my shoulders and upper body off the floor but I can't lift my boobs off the floor! Bloody bags are huge and heavy! Girls out there, big boobs are not all that great!

So anyways, that's my experience kickboxing. I just need to keep myself disciplined to keep going for classes.

Reading my posts, you might wonder, I am kickboxing and doing OBC so why haven't I lost weight???!! Simple, I am still eating rubbish and eating a lot. That is something that I am struggling to get control off.

I'll keep you updated on that..

Cheers

Original Bootcamp

I first heard about OB through a friend Ben. His friend is one of the people to bring this franchise over to Malaysia. I read up about OB and was instantly interested. The only set back was that it was from 5.45am to 6.45am in the mornings! That put me off at first but as I am desperate to lose weight, I decided to sign up for the 1 week free trial that they were offering. I forced my hubby to join me for this.

Waking up at 5am was tough! But the experience during the trial week was both horribly torturous and exhilarating at the same time. I was pushed beyond what I could ever push myself to do and it felt good. Of course, during the course of the one hour session, I would wonder why the hell i was putting myself through it!

After the trial, I decided to register for the 1 month course. I decided to sign up for the 7am session. The first session was a fitness assessment in order for the instructors to identify our fitness levels and to divide us accordingly. I am of course in the lowest team; ie the Rangers. I finished the assessment in 20 minutes and 49 seconds; which was one of the worst :-(

Anyway, this is the 4th week since I joined OB. I do feel a bit better (I can now walk up the 3 floors to my in laws flat without hyperventilating when I reach the top floor!) but the improvements are slow. I have not loss any weight (this is my fault as I have not been controlling my food!) and I feel useless most times at bootcamp because I have older women doing better than me! It is embarrassing to be the last in line and also the person who cant keep up and keeps stopping or slowing down. I still am struggling with the jogging and running and the push ups. But I am not giving up. I don't want to have regrets and I am determined to push through.

This Saturday would be the last session for the month and next Tuesday (which coincidentally is my wedding anniversary) will be the 1st session of the next course which means we will be doing the fitness assessment again. I hope that I manage to finish it in less time than when I first started. It would be a nice anniversary present for me :-).

OB is great for fitness. And I know with consistency, I will improve, surely but surely. A big thank you to the instructors for their motivation, push and effort to get us into shape!

If you want more info on Original Bootcamp, visit their website at www.bootcamp.com.my!

Touched

My sister wrote a post in her blog about me. It touched me deeply and I had tears stream down my eyes as I read it.

Read it here (Post name :Biggest (Balls) Loser Asia)
http://snooty-snooty.blogspot.com

Thank you dear sister for those wonderful words.

Love you!

The Biggest Loser Asia Audition

It was an interesting day today.

I was at the Curve by about 8.15am. There was already about 15 people in front of me. The whole thing felt a little surreal to me. Seeing the biggest loser posters all over and all the crew running around getting prepared. I watched as more and more big people started to show up.

It was a good thing I got there early! Within the next hour, the numbers increased rapidly and the line got longer and longer.

I met some interesting people and it was nice getting to know them and share our experiences together.

I met up with Melkoo from the support group. It was nice to finally meet her. I saw Simran in line about an hour later but I wasn't sure if I would lose my place in line if I left to go over and talk to her so I didn't. But I bumped into her on my way out after the audition.

So anyway, I spent a few hours there. We waited until 10am before it started going. The first batch of 10 were sent in. I was in the 2nd batch. We went in, registered, had our picture taken and then sat around talking for awhile. Then we were sent upstairs where we took turns getting our height, weight and blood pressure taken.

They had a small buffet line set up for us and they kept encouraging us to eat. On more than half of the table there was lasagna, potato wedges, mee hoon, sausages, etc. On the other side was fresh vegetables, bananas and some other fruits. They had water and milk.

It was tempting but I resisted. After the weighing, I grabbed a banana (I hadnt eaten any breakfast!). After that we hung around waiting as they took people out 2 by 2 to go for the audition.

Finally it was my turn to go wait in line. One of the production guys asked a few of us if we had family with us. I had mine so he asked me to call them up. My hubby and my mum were with me. Then they got Sarimah to do a short interview with us!

Soon it was my turn to go into the room. Boy was I nervous. They asked me a few simple questions like my name, age, job, my favorite foods, why should I be chosen for the show, what would I do with the money if I won and something else I cant remember. I was pretty nervous and stumbled over my answers a bit.. :-(

Anyway, that was it. A long wait but a quick audition. There were about 200 people who showed up. The sad thing is only 2 people from Malaysia will be chosen to join the show. I know I didn't get through though cause I didn't get a call back but then I knew from the start not to expect much because only 2 people were going to be selected.

Anyway, it was a fun experience and thanks to DM for coming to support us there!! And of course thanks to my dear hubby and mum for waiting there with me for those few hours!

Slimming Centres - To go or not to go

Many of us big ones have had experiences with slimming centres. I have had 3. Once when I was about 18 years old. My mother signed me up at MFB. In those days, they only had the "cold wrap" treatment. This is where you strip down to your underwear and they wrap freezing cold clothes soaked in some solution around every part of your body (except your face and neck)!. Then they put you in a small air conditioned cubicle for 45 minutes.

I remember those horrible days. I would be shivering and freezing for that 45 minutes. I would sit there and watch my fingers turn blue. Did it work? NO!

Then a few years later, after I started working, I again got disillusioned by the slimming centre adverts. Here, I decided to sign up with GG. This time, it was hot wraps and saunas. Did it work? NO!

Then 2 and a half years ago, about 6 months before my wedding, I decided to give it a try. Why you ask me? Well us insecure people never learn do we ?
So this time I signed up with MF. But this time, I combined it with a very very strict diet and exercise. Did it work? Yes! But only because I practically starved myself! I would go a few days a week purely on fruit juice the whole day. If i did that, then I would see a slight weight loss at the next session. If I don't, their machine will show that I put on weight.

So based on my three experiences, I realised one thing. The treatments don't do sh%t if you don't cut out everything bad - which basically means no carbs, no sugars, no fried foods. With the amount of food that they listed for us to cut off, you can lose the weight without having to go to the slimming centre in the first place!!!

Yes, some of the treatments are good. For example, at MF (the last one I went too), they use a couple of machines which simulate exercising and some which trigger an increase in your fat burning process.

But most of these centres paint such lovely pictures. Some ads say no pills, no exercise, do starvation blah blah. That is a bunch of crap. Because after they swipe your credit card; at your first session, the story is different. "Don't eat this, don't eat that, exercise 3 to 5 times a week, oh we have this good pills to help you burn fat faster!".

And what I hate most about these slimming centres?? They prey on your low self esteem. You may walk in to the centre thinking that you just need to lose 5kg but when you leave, you would feel really lousy about yourself and suddenly you need to lose 20kg! And what's more, at the time they are pitching you, they tell you "You need about 20 sessions to achieve your target". Then, halfway thru the course, they tell you that your fat is very stubborn so you need another 10 sessions. And at every session, the "consultant" will try to sell you their creams or their pills etc to use at home to "quicken" the fat loss process!


So my advise for those of you who are considering going to a slimming centre.
a. If you are swimming in money, then go ahead. It can be your added boost for your weight loss program but remember, if you don't diet and exercise, it doesn't work.

b. If you can't afford it but are thinking of sacrificing other things to pay for it, DON'T! It's not worth it. Just exercise 5 times a week and cut off the unhealthy food and you will lose the weight.

I'm not saying that slimming centres are bad. I'm not saying don't ever go to one. I'm just sharing my experiences with them. Maybe one of you have a better experience to share with us?

Cheers for today!

Support Group

A few months ago I was surfing the net looking for some info on the rumour I had heard about TBL Asia. That is how I stumbled upon DM's blog (www.dailymuscle.com). So many people were leaving comments on his post about TBL Asia and I was amazed to see how many people there are in Malaysia having the same feelings I have and struggling with weight issues. Even more amazing was the fact that there are a lot of people even bigger than I am! That really surprised me because I didn't think that we have such big people (above 260 - 300 pounds). I thought that was more in America. Boy was I wrong!

Anyway, looking at all the comments, I realised that all of us need the support of people in similar situations; because frankly all you slim people out there who have never been fat before, you cannot understand how we feel. Try as you may, you will never understand what goes through our minds and hearts unless you have been one of us.

So I suggested forming a support group. The response was good and even better, DM jumped on the wagon and offered to help us out for free. That was pretty cool of him!

Sadly though, our first 2 meetings didn't go as planned. The 1st meeting, only myself and DM made it. The 2nd meeting, only Zana and I made it! It is tough having a support group when everyone doesn't seem to be able to make it. I do understand that everyone is busy; but as a group we really need to make the effort to meet up and support each other.

I guess people are just not yet used to the idea of a support group as there has never been one in Malaysia before. But we are at the infancy stage and I am sure that everyone will get the hang of it soon and start participating more actively.

So, here is a Shout Out to the other big ones out there. Anyone interested to join a weight loss support group where we can meet up and share experiences and struggles and help each other???? Do drop me a comment here with your email address and I will be in touch.

Cheers!

Calculating Your BMI

I am sure that most of you know how to do this : but just as a refresher and for those of you who are new to this, here it is.

What is BMI? BMI stands for Body Mass Index. This index is a measure of a persons weight in relation to their height. Knowing your BMI would give you an idea of how serious your weight issues are.

How to calculate your BMI? Simple! Go to this website http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/ and key in your height and weight and click on Calculate.

BMI Categories:

* Underweight = <18.5
* Normal weight = 18.5-24.9
* Overweight = 25-29.9
* Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater

Sadly, I am in the OBESE category. So my first goal, is to go down 1 category.


Now to get started!

The Biggest Loser Asia

Hi All!

The hype and excitement about the Biggest Loser Asia is mounting! I am excited about it too. Initially I had planned to send in a video audition but since they decided to have on ground auditions, I have decided to go for that. The KL auditions will be on 1st August at Fitness First, the Curve.

The sad thing is that since its for ASIA only 2 people from each country will be chosen. So the chances are low. And I realise that there are so many bigger people out there than me. I am curious to know what are the criterias they are looking for. Someone I met recently was told that she wasn't big enough to apply. She is about 85kgs. So how big IS big enough?

So here is some info for anyone who wants to join but still doesn't know how to :

Official Website : www.biggestloserasia.com
KL On Ground Auditions : 1st August (Saturday) 10am - 4pm, Fitness First, The Curve
What to Bring : application form (download from website), 10 x 15cm potrait and photo identification
Others : Wear exercise clothes to the audition

TBL Asia would be a great start to help obese people like me to lose weight and gain a healthy lifestyle. I am super excited and really want to be a part of the show. But a word of advise to all of us : Don't put all your hope into this. If you don't get in, don't despair. It is not the end of the world. There are many people who have lost weight without the help of such shows - thru sheer determination, diet and exercise.

The rest of us can do it too!

So with or without TBL Asia, make it your goal to get slim and fit and gain a new lease in life!!

Cheers!

Women and Exercise

Women and Exercise

• By Christopher McCombs
• Published 08-Aug-08

Women are more prone to obesity. They have to exercise every day for as little as 10-30 minutes. This will enhance their quality of life.

Importance of exercise to women at different stages of life:

A woman, whatever her age, has to have some sort of physical activity to keep herself physically fit. The benefits derived from physical activity are enormous. This little extra activity adds to the quality of life a women can have. Now we shall examine the need for exercise at different stages of a women’s life.

Early days

Before the advent of computers and televisions, children were not required to exercise. But once the computers became popular, studies conducted has found that a little exercise for children is also a must. A child sticks to her computer or television which takes away from her the option of playing on the ground. This lack of exercise will lead to unhealthy adult generation. The present age killer is the cardio vascular diseases. This disease can attack men and women alike and it is due to the lack of exercise. So the prime time for developing healthy lifestyle and good habits is in childhood and adolescence.

Middle age:

When a woman is in her middle age, the most common complaint she has is that of weight gain. The weight gain is slow but persistent. The major belief for this weight gain is due to hormonal changes.

Yet some others link this weight gain to reduced amount of lean muscle tissue. This decreased amount of lean muscle tissue results in a slower metabolic rate. Research has shown that women, who have adopted some extra physical activity, have more lean muscle tissues even in their middle age. This helps them to an increased rate of metabolic activity and the rate of weight gain is less.

It has also been found out that many other common complaints of women can be avoided or even controlled by exercising. Exercise not only improves sleep but also helps in improved energy levels during the day. Exercise also controls diseases like blood pressure, arthritis, high levels of cholesterol etc. One of the crucial reasons for women to at least start exercise in her middle age is to keep off from osteoporosis. A woman’s density of the bone starts declining from her middle age and bone loss speeds up after her menopause. Thus to avoid this women can adapt herself to walking, jogging or strength training to reap the benefits of healthy life.

Elderly

Elderly women can also live a good and healthy life style if she takes up to lighter exercise. Research has found that even those who are in their 90’s can also be physically fit. The best of exercise is that it is never too late to start. So starting to exercise at a later stage of life can also keep a women fit and lead a quality life. So women of today what are you waiting for? Start today right now and discover the secret to a healthy life.

A Dedication

Hi Everyone

This blog is dedicated to all the fat girls and guys out there. I want to share all my struggles and accomplishments with the hope that my mistakes made and the successes I have had would be of help to all of you in your struggles with your weight.

In my blog I will be sharing with you guys interesting articles that I read on anything to do with health and weight and I will be blogging about my daily activities.


Word of inspiration : Being fat doesn't make you less of a person or less special. Don't let anyone make you feel worthless because of your weight!